Category Archives: rant

Of Birthdays, Celebrations and Sadness


Hari Raya Haji is only a few days away. I am excited. I am thinking of preparing a Malay feast  with a variety of desserts. Only problem is that Joe doesn’t really care for Malay food. He tolerates it. I made a pot of Beef Rendang and Sambal Goreng many weeks ago and I found myself eating it for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next four days. Not that I did not enjoy eating Malay food for four consecutive days. Bliss and orgasmic would be appropriate adjectives to describe the experience but I hate cooking food that only I alone enjoy. I almost feel a little better cooking food that he alone enjoys. Anyway it has been really busy at work. In the past years, September and October are typically slow months but they have been working us consistently. It leaves me no time to keep the kitchen well- stocked and clean. To make matters worse we have also been busy house hunting. We have placed two very fair offers the last couple months but without much luck. It is quite depressing. Between the messy, low inventory kitchen, work and depression of not being able to snag our dream home (not once but twice) I haven’t done much baking or cooking. I saw Gorton’s beer battered fish filets on sale and I figured the picture on the packaging looks good and i thought to myself that it probably would make a quick unhealthy snack on the many lazy days. Boy was I wrong. Frozen battered fish tasted nothing like the recollections I had of them as a kid. I thought fish sticks were one of the best things on earth. Fast forward to today, each time I try to eat one of those beer battered fish filet, I gag a little. It is that bad. As usual my mind wanders. I thought there was a point to this post but now I am not so sure anymore.

Eid! Hari Raya Haji!

I will make a feast. I was going to jot my thoughts on my upcoming one person Eid feast.

Contemplating between Ayam Masak Merah (Spicy Tomato Chicken), Beef Rendang ( Spicy Coconut Gravy Beef) or Ayam Masak Lemak Chili Padi (Green Chili Coconut Chicken Curry)….Hmmm….There is also the option of Chicken or Beef Beryani….Decisions! Decision! Decisions!

Dessert should be some kind of pie or layered cake I have never made before. Or wait…a Pandan Coconut Custard Cake. I saw that cake on a friends facebook posting last week and I have be fantasizing about it ever since. Pandan cake makes me reminisce my childhood in Singapore. It oozes of comfort that comes with familiarity. Sigh.

I turned 32, 5 days ago. It was uneventful and Joe threw a tantrum. 32 doesn’t feel much different from 31. It wasn’t as apocalyptic as turning 30. I think as you grow older you become more resigned. Your dreams and hopes fade away a little. It is like the day you were born a 100 candles were lit up for you and each day of your life the flame flickers a little and each year a flame extinguishes. Some years more than one candle dissipates with your dreams. Soon you are left with none and your zest and zeal for life diminishes with it and then I guess eventually you die. Growing up and aging. Some of us resist it. A few of us embrace it. And then there are people like me that just accept it.

I have yet to dye the rapidly multiplying greys on my head. I think I am at 30% grey now. I guess it is my way of accepting that I am growing old and when the hair on my head is all grey it will serve as a reminder to me that perhaps my time is almost up and death beckons. In my mind it is sobering.

I am not quite sure why each year when I reflect on growing a year older it tends be sombre and I weep a little.

Perhaps I should end this post with a thanks. Thank you to god for the health you have given me and a family that loves me unconditionally, a job that feeds me and clothes me and of course a Joe who keeps me human and reminds me that I am not only here on this planet earth existing but that I am also alive.





Crazy week.

The week started with 2 young men getting shot in their car and later crashed into a tree and both died.

Then it was a surreal and joyful encounter with Grimace and HamBurglar.

Baker’s block.

Writer’s block.

Eating a whole pound of Baklava.

And today I just found out I’ve been singing along to Selena Gomez.


And now Joe is starting to play his accordion.

Shit. Time to dance to polka music.

Losing my toes to the cold, wintry dark night.


It feels good to have my toes. At least I think they still work. They are not black and blue. At least not yet. Just a reddish purple. There is still sensation, so I think I am good.

What the hell!

So I got stuck in Seattle for two nights. Was not anticipating that. Damn freezing rain! Icicles were hanging down the wings of the planes. We were not going anywhere fast. So whatever.

I finally got home today. Despite several cancellations out of O’hare due to the snow, my flight was close to on-time. It was quite shocking.

I was hoping to get re-assigned when I got in but unfortunately that did not happen.

Snow  boots! I had forgotten to bring them. Ok I am lying. I was too lazy to lug them with me on my trip despite having room in my bag. What a moron! Yes that is me.

My bus was suppose to get in at 9:00pm. I was early.  9:00pm came and went. I was getting worried. What if they had cut their service due to the snow? So I called the bus information number and the lady said it is running late but she had no idea when it will get there.  It was 9:30. I figured I might as well wait till the 9:40 bus and pray that it comes.

It was cold. My worn-out plastic shoes and hosiery were not keeping my feet warm enough. So I decided to emulate Michael Jackson and don white socks with my black flats.

9:40! Thank you, God. I see the bus turning round the corner. Thank you for the heads up on eliminating the 9:00pm bus. Whatever! I was just elated to know that my over an hour wait had paid off. The bus came and I was in the relative comfort of a borderline warm bus. Gratitude was all I felt. I said hello and smiled. The driver ignored me as he focused on his iPhone. That’s fine. I am just happy he is here.

The ride home was relatively uneventful. Except for the bitch sitting in front of me. Look at me I’ve got straight long hair extensions. I am hot. Let me swish my hair around. Look at me. It is amazing how the flat iron and 3 hours sitting in a salon can do to my ugly face. I now look hot from the back. BITCH!

Anyway, as I was saying, it went by pretty swiftly considering the road conditions. 45 minutes later I was at my stop.

I had my fingers crossed. If the side walks were not shovelled, I would take a cab to my apartment. I can spend $6. I remember saying to myself, “It didn’t feel too cold. Seems tolerable.” It was nice to see the guys out shovelling the snow. One side of the street was all done. I can do this. 1st block. 2nd block. Shit. The snow is slushy. My feet were getting wet. That’s alright. Home is not too far away. I can make it. 3rd block. What the hell? This section here is not shovelled. That’s alright I can handle this. It continue to persevere and prod in. By the 4th block I began to feel numbness in my little right toe. This is not good. I stopped for a minute. I took off my shoes and my socks were soaked. Bad!

I tried to warm them up with my hands and bend my feet and wiggle my toes just to help with circulation. I took a few more steps. It was uncomfortable. It felt like I was only walking with 4 toes on my right foot.

I panicked. No cabs in sight. Police cars kept making their rounds. I tried to call a cab. Operator said that they did not have any cabs available. What the ……

Suddenly, I had an Out of the Wild flashback. Out of the Wild is a show about urbanites being thrown into the wilderness. The season Joe and I watched was when they were in Alaska. Awesome show. So I thought to myself, “What would they do? Take off those damn socks!” And I did. “Suck it up and walk on the road,” I told myself.   It was late enough, that there weren’t that many cars. At least it was easier to pull my suitcase  and tote on the road then it was to drag it through the snow on the side walk.

Die from getting hit by an oncoming car or lose a toe? I had to decide and I chose to risk it and keep my toe.

The last time I ate was breakfast at Embassy Suites. I felt no hunger today which was unusual for a glutton like myself.

I can feel my wet stockings.

The alley way or continue to plough through the snow on the side walks where there is the safety of street lamps? I cast aside my fears of alley rats and gang way muggings and moved as  quickly as I could through the alley. It was a huge relief to see the door to my building.

Went through the first set of doors. Dropped my suitcase and tote. Removed my wet and cold shoes and I ran up to my apartment. Dropped my pants and stockings. My feet they were itching and burning. I had to scratch it. I take that back. I had to claw it. I turned on the hot water and soaked my feet for a few minutes. My toes are alive! 10 toes. Thank you.

If I hadn’t removed my wet socks. I know I would have been in a lot of pain.

24 degrees Fahrenheit = -4 degrees Celsius = Brrrrrrrr! = Almost 2 hours in bad shoes = Possibly missing toes.

It feels good to be home with all my toes.

Lesson learnt. Always bring snow boots on all my winter trips. Try not to be so lazy next time.